For me, it adds up to about two years lost, on this side... and sometimes I'd lag behind everyone else, if we went somewhere and came back, but that's it. I've only been back to my original world once. When I was still a kid.
[ It's why she never jumps forward in age when she comes back, why she never looks different, never loses the damage done to her body done in these worlds. Only one time returning, in all those years.
She doesn't call it "going home" anymore. She doesn't know when she stopped. ]
Do you mean here? No. Not except... the time loop. You know. You heard her then, too. "You’ll let it end like this?" [ She says it as impression, pitch different, tone sarcastic — her mouth pulls into a sharp grin, jaw locked and teeth held clenched together even as she speaks. Once the echo is over with, the forced expression drops back into her more natural melancholy. ] You guys only found out she still existed in this world a few months before I returned. Before that, we... that is, most of us, thought she'd perished in the crossing. I could never accept it, but even that, it just felt like I was in denial. I was maybe the only one who couldn't let go.
[ It was cause for more than a few arguments between her and Karkat, who was certain she'd died. Everyone else, the most anyone seemed willing to say was "well, maybe." She fiddles with the remote control, switching back to one of the public arts channels — music, and dance, and nothing that reminds her of anyone. ]
But, we talked in the old world. She used to play little tricks on us, sometimes. Keep us from getting too comfortable, you know, with the way things were — with the way we were, ourselves. She was different, at the end. She's... nobody you could ever call merciful, or affectionate, but... it was love, even if it wasn't the welcome sort. Nobody asks for an existence like this, so I suppose it's not any consolation. But...
I know it must seem awful, coming straight here, but everything was always much steadier here. It's the kind of world we were trying to achieve. She rewrote this world for us.
... Do you want to know a secret? [ She glances at Jaime there, instead of the way she keeps tugging at her fingers and wringing her hands. She's normally not one for fidgeting, but these kinds of conversations aren't easy to endure. ] It's... a little silly, maybe, but, I don't think I've told anyone else.
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[ It's why she never jumps forward in age when she comes back, why she never looks different, never loses the damage done to her body done in these worlds. Only one time returning, in all those years.
She doesn't call it "going home" anymore. She doesn't know when she stopped. ]
Do you mean here? No. Not except... the time loop. You know. You heard her then, too. "You’ll let it end like this?" [ She says it as impression, pitch different, tone sarcastic — her mouth pulls into a sharp grin, jaw locked and teeth held clenched together even as she speaks. Once the echo is over with, the forced expression drops back into her more natural melancholy. ] You guys only found out she still existed in this world a few months before I returned. Before that, we... that is, most of us, thought she'd perished in the crossing. I could never accept it, but even that, it just felt like I was in denial. I was maybe the only one who couldn't let go.
[ It was cause for more than a few arguments between her and Karkat, who was certain she'd died. Everyone else, the most anyone seemed willing to say was "well, maybe." She fiddles with the remote control, switching back to one of the public arts channels — music, and dance, and nothing that reminds her of anyone. ]
But, we talked in the old world. She used to play little tricks on us, sometimes. Keep us from getting too comfortable, you know, with the way things were — with the way we were, ourselves. She was different, at the end. She's... nobody you could ever call merciful, or affectionate, but... it was love, even if it wasn't the welcome sort. Nobody asks for an existence like this, so I suppose it's not any consolation. But...
I know it must seem awful, coming straight here, but everything was always much steadier here. It's the kind of world we were trying to achieve. She rewrote this world for us.
... Do you want to know a secret? [ She glances at Jaime there, instead of the way she keeps tugging at her fingers and wringing her hands. She's normally not one for fidgeting, but these kinds of conversations aren't easy to endure. ] It's... a little silly, maybe, but, I don't think I've told anyone else.